Jeffy Says

My co-worker says some pretty weird stuff.
Feb 02
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The cake was supposed to read “Best of Luck Jeff” (and I’m sure there’s probably supposed to be a comma in there as well). Instead, Jeff go the best of our love. I gave Jeff my own personal going away gift: a copy of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s Welcome to the Monkey House. On the last page of my favorite story - “EPICAC” - I wrote: Jeff,I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did; it’s my favorite one in the book. Please don’t be upset as it was done all in good fun and with no ill will, but for the past year or so, I’ve been chronicling your “Jeffisms” at http://jeffysays.tumblr.com. I hope you can get some laughs out of it. We’ll miss you at [company name]. -Marcela

The cake was supposed to read “Best of Luck Jeff” (and I’m sure there’s probably supposed to be a comma in there as well). Instead, Jeff go the best of our love.

I gave Jeff my own personal going away gift: a copy of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s Welcome to the Monkey House. On the last page of my favorite story - “EPICAC” - I wrote:

Jeff,
I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did; it’s my favorite one in the book.

Please don’t be upset as it was done all in good fun and with no ill will, but for the past year or so, I’ve been chronicling your “Jeffisms” at http://jeffysays.tumblr.com. I hope you can get some laughs out of it.

We’ll miss you at [company name].

-Marcela

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Jan 21
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Sad News

Jeff has decided to leave the company. His last day is January 28, 2009. Don’t worry, If he says or does anything Jeffy in the meantime, I will be sure to report it here.  After that, it’ll probably just be full-on radio silence.
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Jan 07
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  • Jeff: In a lot of essences-
  • me: In a lot of essences?!
  • Jeff: Ok, that was wrong.
  • me [cracking up laughing]: No, that was awesome.
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Dec 31
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  • Jeff (regarding a microwaveable meal with curiosity and concern): I wonder if this will be ok in the microwave.
  • me: Jeff, it's a microwaveable meal. It's intended to be prepared in a microwave.
  • Jeff: Yeah, but some stuff is better done in an oven.
  • me: Sure, anything is better than microwaved, but this is made for the microwave.
  • Jeff: I dunno, I think some things are actually better in a microwave.
  • me: Really? Like what?
  • Jeff: Like soup!
  • me: Uhh ...
  • Jeff: I mean, you're not gonna bake soup in an oven, right?
  • me: ... no, but you could cook it on the stove.
  • Jeff: Oh, yeah... right.
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Dec 10
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Jeffy finds that playing games helps the day go by faster.

  • Jeff [holding some form of citrus in his hand]: Orange or grapefruit?
  • me: Orange.
  • Jeff: Orange or grapefruit?
  • me: Still going with orange.
  • Jeff: Well, it's neither.
  • me: Oh, is it a pomelo?
  • Jeff: Yup! What is that anyway; like a mix?
  • me: I dunno, but that was a trick question.
  • Jeff [walks up to coworker]: Orange or grapefruit? [scene repeats]
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Dec 01
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My coworker took the liberty of decorating Jeff’s desk.
My coworker took the liberty of decorating Jeff’s desk.
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Sep 30
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me: ::looking, horrified, at frozen microwaveable meal just sitting, wrapper removed, on Jeff’s desk:: Jeff: Oh, I’m just letting it thaw out. me: That’s what the microwave is for…

me: ::looking, horrified, at frozen microwaveable meal just sitting, wrapper removed, on Jeff’s desk::

Jeff: Oh, I’m just letting it thaw out.

me: That’s what the microwave is for…

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Sep 25
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Jeff, on the origins of a mysterious stain on the carpet by his desk

  • Jeff: lubricant. for the up and down.
  • everyone in the office: ::laughs::
  • Jeff: you guys are sick
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Sep 09
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“ Back here, we eat day-old popcorn all the time.
— Jeff, speaking for all of us and getting it wrong.
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Aug 25
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If you’re wondering what Jeff’s birthday lunch was, it was a frozen waffle with habaero hot sauce. I wish I was joking.
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